Lessons Learned: part two

As the year and our journey come to a close, it's time for more reflection on the things I've gathered and learned along the way.  Here are some more of my thoughts and ideas.

1. Be prepared to modify your plan; it will be good for you.  I've referenced and joked about this many times (before leaving this was the fortune tucked away in my Chinese cookie) and it has rung clear and true many times!  When we set out we planned to travel for 1.5-2 years, maybe more.  Now, 11 months later, we are looking forward to heading back "home" for a while (location still TBD).  We planned to travel south through the Americas then to Africa working our way north and then east again, yet we find ourselves already in SE Asia, having not set foot on African or South American land.  So the reason for all of this, you ask?  Well, put simply, our plans changed.  Traveling long term was different than we expected.  We started to miss places and things I didn't expect us too.  Our money (not surprisingly) didn't last as long as we hoped. Our ideas about starting a family changed.  We got a little burnt out.  Maybe some people will think "Duh" or "I told you so" or "you were crazy from the start" but of course none of that is important.  This journey has been amazing and the things we have learned by experiencing this ourselves are nearly immeasurable. 

2. We won't be backpackers forever.  Although our trip now is coming to a close, our traveling is not!  Expect us to be trotting around the globe again before you know it.  But don't expect that the way we travel or the budget we set won't change.  Sticking to a $50/day budget has been a difficult but very rewarding goal.  It forced us to have a more local experience and allowed us to travel for a very significant period of time, but tested my patience and occasionally left me frustrated.  How incredible it was that we traveled for nearly a year this go around!  But in the future I expect our travels to be in the 2-4 month range and possibly include a higher or progressive budget.  You will feel more comfortable if the living standards of your trip go up over the course, especially if you are taking a long trip.

3. I miss working.  Taking a long term break from work is probably one of the best things you can do for your self and your career.  I never hated working, but this long break has given me a nice chance to really reflect about what kind of work I want to do and what is important to me in a career.  Also, if you don't like working, maybe you just don't like the work you are doing.  I'm grateful to find purpose, worth, and happiness from my work.  I'm happy to go good work in the world.

4. A little language goes a long way.  Sadly, my Spanish did not become nearly as fluent as I would have hoped after our time in Central America.  However, we did speak Spanish nearly exclusively when communicating with native speakers.  Throughout SE Asia we have learned at least a few phrases in the local language and it has really paid off.  Numerous times we were complimented on how good our Thai,Vietnamese, and even Laos languages were (very untrue by the way!).  It was so nice to see a huge smile cross someone's face when we attempted to say a greeting or order food in their native tongue.  We couldn't get far and the conversations quickly defaulted to English.  I constantly reminded myself how graciously I was being treated.  In my opinion, it is far to frequent that I hear (more than just) gripes from English-only speaking Americans regarding people in the US, citizens or not, that don't speak English fluently.  I can't imagine how difficult this trip would have been if I was blatantly treated without respect or just ignored because I was unable to communicate in the local language; it would have been awful!  So if you are one of those aforementioned jerks I just alluded to, my recommendation is to cut people some slack, think about how things might be different if roles were reversed, and to be gracious. I promise it won't hurt you. And charade-ing is always fun.  Or funny.  Always fun or funny. 

5.  The world has the best food!  Thankfully there is no one place that has the best food.  Mostly, everywhere has the best food and it is all the more reason to go everywhere and try all the food the world has to offer.  And that's coming from me, a somewhat very picky eater who didn't even try everything!  I didn't eat any bugs (intentionally), but I did eat chicken feet.  I thought about going for pig brain in my porridge, but didn't have the balls to do it.  Didn't eat any balls either.  But I had favorites everywhere we went!  My short lists includes:  street tacos, pupusas, chicken soup from everywhere, pho, fried noodles from everywhere, more pho, tamales, nacatamales (same same), pad thai, agua fresca, horchata, coffee coffee coffee (I drank coffee more ways than I ever even knew about), bun cha, gado gado, fresh spring rolls, baleadas, crushed black pepper encrusted burger, and more pho.

What we've been up to, in pictures

Walking around Kuala Lumpur (KL) neighborhoods

Whale watching in KL

Petronas Towers, KL

Visit to Batu Caves, Maylasia - Caves and Hindu temple

Experiencing local art

Admiring the view 

Having a very Merry Christmas

Visiting a mosque in KL

Chapter 1 comes to a close

As this year comes to an end, so does the incredible journey I've shared with my (now) husband.  Fifteen countries, 80+ hotels, and thousands of memories later, I am as happy and in love as can remember being.  For many, the end of the year is a time of self-refection and resolutions to be made.  For me, this entire year was an opportunity for self-reflection and in the end I don't have any drastic resolutions, just one I've grown to learn: know you, and be you.  I've been happy to share my thoughts so openly in this forum and appreciate the encouragement and love from so many followers: old friends, new friends, stranger friends. This is part one of a few summary blogs I'll be sharing.

(* Disclaimer - this is written as much for me as for you.  For me to come back to to remember my thoughts, to find my inspiration again when I need it.  I'm not intending to be self-righteous or preachy.  Also, this is not sufficient to treat mood-disorders of any kind.  Please consult a profession regarding more serious mental-health issues or concerns.)

1. Know you, be you.  As I have mentioned previously, people responded in all sorts of ways when we started talking about taking this journey.  I never had doubts about if this time of traveling would be something I perhaps shouldn't do or something I would come to regret.  Now, on the tail end of things, I feel nearly bursting at the seems wanting to share my message: follow your path!  And don't be afraid to modify your plans, it will be good for you :)  It can be challenging to move from knowing your path to walking it.  You are the only one who can walk your path.  Even one step on your path brings you closer to your goal.  Spend time with yourself, know yourself, be yourself.  Every day that you are trying to be someone else or live someone else's dream, is one less day of you being you.

2. Be happy.  I think if you can do the above, happiness cannot help but follow.  I have by no means been happy of every moment of every day during this adventure.  We've had lots of struggles!  At times I've felt sad, hurt, misunderstood, angry, even resentful.  I've been tired and hungry and grouchy.  None of these emotions are permanent of course, and my soul, my heart, and my mind have been so happy much of the time.  It's something I've worked on, too.  Happiness can take work but it's worth working for.  If you don't feel happy, you can try to change all the things in your life that might be bringing you down but eventually you will find this a futile endeavor and you might not be any happier.  Sister Hazel circa 2000 had the right message: "If you want to be someone else, change your mind..."  Decide to bring (even more) happiness into your life.  And listen to some Sister Hazel and Pharrell Williams; it can't hurt.

3. My husband amazes me.  I believe it was Bill Murray that had a(nother) moment of internet success this year when a video surfaced of him advising the single generation of today to travel the world with your partner for a year, and if you still love him/her in the end, then you can marry that person.  We were half-backwards here as we were married during our time traveling, but in the end the result is the same: we survived and even thrived together as a pair and I feel certain that little can shake us as a team.  I was pretty amazed by husband long ago, that's what led to him being my husband, you see.  Now though, I have seen him in so many different lights and he shines in almost all of them.  I've got more to say about this but it's so special and personal I think I'll share it in a card with him instead of here.  I think you'll understand.

4. The world is wonderful.  Your news source, your family and friends, and even people you don't know may try and convince you otherwise, but I can't be convinced.  Kindness and beauty can be found everywhere in world, even in the dark corners.  If you haven't been able to realize this perhaps fear, ignorance, misunderstanding, or anger is blocking your view.  Find a different vista point and let the people of the world show you their hearts.  Show yours back.  You might not realize it, but you are making the world a kinder place.

5. You are living your life every day.  I recently read a friend of a friend's post on Facebook where along with the smiling and proud pictures of graduating law school the person said something to the tune of, "I can't wait for my life to finally begin!"  Of course graduating law school is an amazing accomplishment, something to be proud of that undoubtedly took hard work, time, financial resources, sacrifices, and support.  I felt happy for this stranger.  But what really struck me was the statement that now, finally, life can start.  Every day is our life.  Life has started!  Of course there may always be things to look forward to, next chapters that seem better than the one you are on.  But today is your life.  For me this doesn't mean do every crazy thing you ever wanted to do because it might be your last, but like every other day, this one will come and go and this one is the only one you are living.  Embrace it, live it, share it.

Vipassana: For a Calm and Equanimous Mind

Like many other 20-something women, I left a movie theater in 2010 feeling completely inspired,  hopeful, and certain that one day I would go to an ashram as part of my spiritual journey.  Thank you Julia Roberts for inspiring my generation to forget about fad diets, half-ass boyfriends, and trending religions.  Yes, thank you Eat, Pray, Love for impacting my life!  Its only a half-kid.  I'm sure that naturally as one matures, she/he finds amazing food, passionate deep love, and the truth in one's spiritual journey to be more important than, say, fast food coupons, weekend hook-ups, and WWJD bracelets, but I actually remember this being the moment that "I decided I would go to an ashram" one day.

Four years later, I made it happen.  I didn't quite know what I was looking for or where I would find it.  Early on our journey I became pretty consistent with a daily meditation routine thanks to a 30-day guide for beginners on a Kindle deal.  It really made a positive impact but over time, and having the excuse of a very inconsistent regular schedule, it easily fell out of my routine.  I kept my eyes and ears open and on the recommendation of a good friend I ended up at a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat in Malaysia last month. 

I apologize in advance: this will probably be too long, too disjointed, and lack a linear trajectory.  But after all, this is an online diary not a thesis and you are here voluntarily.  This was a complex experience and difficult for me to sum up concisely and so I just wrote it how I wrote it.  I hope you can take something positive from it!

1.  I went to a 10 day silent (really 12 days as there is a day 0 and day 11) Vipassana meditation retreat at the Dhamma Malaya center in Malaysia.  There were about 100 people, a slight majority of which  were women, and mostly Chinese speaking (the course was offered in Mandarin or English).  I had my own room which was basic but fine: low concrete bed with 4" mattress pad, western toilet, sink, and cold water shower.  I showered with hot water in a bucket every other day.  It only took 1 big bucket of water to shower my entire body!  That is with shampoo and conditioner!  Lesson learned: we waste so much water.

2. I woke up at 4am and went to bed at 9:30 (although after the first few days I couldn't fall asleep well at all).  We were served simple and tasty veggie/vegan meals for breakfast and lunch and fruit and tea for dinner.  We had meditation for 10-11 hours every day usually in a large meditation hall but at certain times meditation in our rooms was allowed.  However, whenI meditated in my room I would often fall asleep so I tried to meditate in the group hall as much as possible.  We had break times around the meals and I would go on walks.  This was my favorite part of the day.  Just walking back and forth for 30-60 minutes usually with my mind working in overdrive.  

Also during the course, I was 12 days without phone, email, Facebook, TV, coffee, beer, meat, news, reading, journaling etc. and it was really really easy (although when i couldn't sleep, reading would have been helpful).  This made me feel so good to not be missing these things!  It was a good forced practice to re-evaluate how much time and emotional effort these things take in our lives and also how they, by having them or not having them, often create negative emotions - worry, anxiety, fear, etc. in our lives.  And we don't need any of that!!  It made me reflect on how amazingly adaptable humans are.  

Note:  Ok, the root of this technique is "pure" Buddhism (my words not theirs), but I'm not going to get into that because it's just too complex for this blog.  Although the course is for people of any beliefs, religious or not, and states it is non-sectarian, Buddhism is the root of the meditation technique.  

3. The first 3 days we just worked on a meditation technique called Anapana which is focusing on your breath.  We did this for 3 days to work on sharpening the mind and teaching it to focus (it is like a wild elephant after all!).  So the whole time we were meditating we just tried to focus on the sensation of air going in and out of our nostrils, nasal ways, and upper lip.  The mind by the way IS a wild animal that needs to be trained and tamed!  This was quite difficult!  I found myself meditating 10% of the time (or 1% or 50%, I'm not sure) and 90% the time your mind is constantly insane, jumping all over the place not focusing at all. 

4. On the 4th day and onward we learned the Vipassana technique.  With this technique one learns to focus the mind and observe sensations on the skin all over the body.  Imagine you are meditating and first you just observe your scalp for whatever sensation is there (tingling, tickling, crawling, tension, heat, cool, heaviness, lightness, pain, vibrations, etc. ANY sensation), and then you methodically go section by section of your body observing sensations.  If you don't notice a sensation you just stop and wait and observe for 1 min.  If nothing, then you go on.  Eventually you get faster at this and your mind becomes more focused and you are able to observe sensations more easily.

5. That is the technique part.  Now the theory here is this: when you are observing these gross and subtle sensations all over the body, you are working with a deeper part of your consciousness, part of your consciousness that you might not really be aware of on a daily basis.  You might even call it your unconscious brain.  Now the other MOST important part of the technique is that when you observe the sensation you do it with a completely equanimous mind: completely objective, not reacting to the sensations, not wanting unpleasant sensations to stop, and not wanting pleasant sensations to continue.  By doing this you are training your subtle mind/deeper consciousness to not be reactive to things.

Now this is where some of the Buddhism comes in.  The idea that the mind reacting to things on an unconscious level is what causes attachment/aversion and thus all the negativity in our lives.  By changing this behavior pattern at a deeper level we can avoid creating more attachment/aversion and develop a more equanimous and balanced mind.

6. Nightly we watched video discourses which I really enjoyed especially early on (they became more specific to the theology of Buddhism as the week went on and were a bit tedious at times).  Two other really important messages we received at the discourse that I found myself thinking about all the time were: 1) impermanence.  How every single moment in time is just rising and falling, rising and falling.  Nothing is permanent, including ourselves.  This relates of course to the attachment and aversion I mentioned earlier.  No point in either liking or not liking anything too much as it doesn't last.  Nothing lasts.  And 2) how much negativity effects you.  Meaning: when you are mad, angry, frustrated, anxious, depressed, impatient, etc. you are the one who loses.  The person/situation that is "causing" your negative emotion isn't suffering because of it, you are.  It's not that this is revolutionary, but I literally had so many hours to really think about this, mull it over, and I think it is the most important thing I took from the experience.  I just thought of so many times when i personally have negative emotions (or just general examples anyone might experience) which sometimes are not so short-lived, and realized just how wasteful that can be.  I came to realize in a new way that I don't ever want to have these negative emotions for more than a second because they cause my own suffering, not anyone else's.  Does this make any sense?!?!  Are you still with me??

The Buddhist believe here is that if you can really grasp these things and know them on an experiential level then you can eventually become enlightened and full of compassion, love, and good will towards everything.  For me, that's still a big leap and a long road but became a main focus as the week continued....

How to summarize what i got out of this and my thoughts on it?!!?  It's just so much!  Sorry this is sooo long already!

1.  Meditation for 11 hours a day is so hard!  Especially when you aren't allowed to move (after day 4, there were 3 hour-long group meditations during which we were not allowed to re-position ourselves, during other meditation times we could).  A few times I started to cry during the meditation because I was in pain (this happened at the first 2 of these sessions and over time I became very accustomed to sitting without moving).  But then I would just try and get a hold of myself and remember this discomfort is not permanent.  Rising and falling, right?   We had small groups and I told my instructor that I cried during the meditation.  She said this was common, that many things "come up" during this sort of experience, and just to focus objectively on the sensations that the crying created, not the emotion.

2. All this meditation did make me feel mentally strong which felt really good.  It's fricking tough to do this all day for so many days.

3. 12 days away from my husband was really hard.  I had never been away this long without being able to communicate with him and after 10 months of spending nearly all day every day together this was hard.  On day 9 I just started crying so much for about 10 minutes because I just wanted to know he was okay.  He was okay.  

4. In general, I started feeling really good! I started to feel SO happy for what felt like no reason at all.  Not constantly, but in waves starting on day 4.  I felt like my mind was more calm, that I had less negativity (not that I thought I had so much to start with) and that I was just really full of happiness. 

5. I think that meditation is really valuable and that you benefit immediately when you practice.  I'm not a believer exclusively in this technique, but to really spend time slowing down, focusing & quieting your mind, and spending time thinking about ideas/mantras/positivity will make you happier and make your life better.  I believe this.  I'm telling you this.  Listen to this part. 

6. Even though this was really hard, I would recommend a retreat like this to others. Not that it necessarily be Vipassana, but a multi-day silent meditation course. 

Thanks for sticking it out til the end!  Please please please, ask questions if you want to know more about my personal experience!

Please excuse my typos or grammatical errors. My equanimous mind is not bothered because of them.

Be Happy

(not from the course, just a photo snapped during one of my meditations in Antigua, Guatemala)